Artemis Fowl: The Last Adventure
by ladyylazarus
Summary: Set after TTP. When Artemis is abducted, Holly and company must try to rescue him. But his captor has an unusual partner in crime: herself, from five years ago. Complete with spies, romance, and evil pixies, this may be one of my best fanfics yet! - Hiatus -
1. A Very Merry Christmas

**Chapter 1: A Very Merry Christmas**

Fowl Manor: Dublin, Ireland

Christmastime at Fowl Manor is a horrific event by anyone's standards. Juliet Butler, member of the famous (and infamous) family of bodyguards, and Angeline Fowl would spend weeks preparing for the overly festive holiday, wrapping garlands around the banister of the grand staircase and fixing coniferous wreaths to every doorway in the mansion. As the women did what they did best, the men of the household stood by watching and grimacing with each new tactless addition to the décor. And towards the end of the decorative stage Artemis Fowl Sr. decided to help his wife with placing small glass ornaments on the gargantuan pine tree that had been delivered and placed in the grand foyer, much to Artemis the Second's horror.

But it was as Mrs. Fowl was placing the crystal angel with gold-rimmed mother of pearl wings precariously atop the tree that the newest dilemma in young Artemis Fowl's life presented itself to him.

His mother climbed down from the ladder that allowed her access to the uppermost boughs of the pine. "You know, Arty, it bothers me that you've never really associated with children. Not even when you were little."

This was somewhat unexpected. He said the first thing that came to mind. "Really, Mother. I'm 18," (well, actually he was 15 - courtesy of the time spent on Hybras), "and more than perfectly capable of entertaining myself. I have done so my whole life, without the help of my contemporaries. I do not need the company of fellow teenagers to keep me occupied. And I spend ample time with Myles and Beckett."

"No. I mean that you've never had any close friends. Every growing boy needs friends." His mother looked at him sadly, almost pityingly. Her gaze made Artemis shift uncomfortably.

"I doubt most of my contemporaries would be able to understand my speech, much less my mind. And forgive me, but I think that friends must have some common ground. And besides, I have Butler. He is a very valuable companion." He didn't wish to reveal his other friends, though his mother knew all about the People by now, thanks to the conniving pixie, Opal Koboi, who had possessed his mother for a short time, revealing all the Fairy People's (at least Opal's) secrets to her.

Though as he said this, his mind flickered briefly to the girl he had met on one of his previous escapades with the People. Minerva Paradizo, child genius. Just as he was.

"Artemis, really. You may have underestimated your generation. Their may be some out there who are just as intelligent as you are, my boy, so don't you go around scoffing at others who would like to get to know you." She turned away from him to straighten a chain of small red porcelain bells that were twined around a garland.

This sudden outburst threw Artemis. He walked up to his mother and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Mother, what ever is the matter?"

He actually wasn't sure he wanted to know.

She shook his hand off and began pulling at a red velvet bow. "Well, I met an awfully nice, lovely young woman at the spa a few days ago and she was ever so bright. She and her family, the DeMaria's, are visiting from Florence. They were so freindly and their daughter seemed so sweet that I invited them for dinner after Christmas. Her name, the daughter, is Belinda. She's a year or two younger I think, and she sounded just as sharp. I'm sure you two will get along." Angeline turned to face him, smiling brilliantly, evidently pleased with herself.

But Artemis was paying her delight no attention. His mind was going over the facts his mother had just given him. An exceptionally bright and beautiful Italian girl named Belinda. There were too many coincidences for comfort. Though he was sure he was wrong, there was only one way to be absolutely certain.

His tone monotonous, he said, "I would be happy to meet this Belinda DeMaria. Whenever suits you, Mother," scowling, deep in thought.

His mother rushed to him and hugged him tightly. "Oh, Arty, thank you! I know you'll like her. She was so nice and witty, just your type."

I have a type? thought Artemis, incredulously. When Angeline Fowl let go of her son, he wandered to his office, first of all to be free (temporarily) of his matchmaking mother, and second to think of a plan. For it looked as if might need one for this particular engagement.

**Police Plaza, Haven City: The Lower Elements**

One minute, Holly thought. Too close. She rushed through the small crowd of protesters that gathered in front of headquarters everyday and tried quietly to make her way to her office before –

"Captain Short, "

It was Trouble Kelp: the new commander of the LEP. In his somewhat calm way, it was obvious he was mad about something. _And that something is probably me_. Holly thought. She walked into his office, wincing at his expression.

His eyebrows were knitted together, his eyes were bright with frustration, and his teeth were clenched around a cigar, though not of former Commander Root's famed fungal variety. But who could blame him for being a little irritated at times. Certainly not Captain Holly Short.

For one, the LEP force he had inherited from previous commander Ark Sool was good for traffic duty at best. He had spent the past couple of years trying to bring it up to its full potential, as it was under Commander Root. Then, if that didn't cause enough stress, his brother, Grub, was still missing after disappearing from his post almost two months ago. And, what caused all LEP officers to be on edge, Opal Koboi, public enemy number one, was at large once again. And she'd been sprung from prison by _herself_ no less. Though her rescuer was an Opal Koboi from five years previously who'd come into the future and possessed Artemis Fowl's mother in order to achieve her latest scheme. So now there were two Opals roaming around under the ground, and possibly on top of it as well. Terrific.

Holly's mind fluttered back to the present; to her scolding from Commander Kelp.

"Captain Short. Holly. How many times do I have to tell you? You have to be the perfect Captain. No mess-ups, no impulsive trips to the surface, and no being late. It's very important that you not give the Council any reason to boot you off the force." He pressed his finger to his nose in a sign of annoyance. He was so calm while reprimanding her, his voice completely flat, that sometimes Holly wished he would just scream at her and have done with it, as Julius would have done, and did on more than one occasion.

"You're one of the best captains I have, and the best shuttle pilot in the force, and I don't want to lose you because your pride can't stand to lay low for a while! Your little jaunt through time did nothing to help you, and the Council is on the verge of bringing you down to Private status. You can't afford that. I can't afford that. So please, don't be late tomorrow if unless you want me to have an aneurism!" He looked at her with fiery eyes. Then he looked back to the papers on his cluttered desk. "You may leave."

Holly felt she should say something. "Trouble –

He looked up at her and sighed. "Just go, Holly."

So she went, all the while thinking, All this? Over a one minute tardy? But she knew that wasn't it. She knew that wasn't it at all.

**--**

**Note:** This is, in effect, a trial run. I want to see if it is successful and see if people like it before i continue. SO REVIEW!! PLEASE!

The next chapter (if there's going to be one) will explain some things that were brought up in this chapter. Like Grub disappearing, Opal breaking herself out of jail and a few things Holly's done in the meantime to annoy the Council even further.

REVIEW!!

P.S. I have changed a few things and would like to thank my few reviewers for their help and support:

The Shang Kudarung

Holly Marie Fowl

SpaceCadet101


	2. On The Loose

**Chapter 2: On the Loose**

LEP Captain Holly Short was having the worst day in the history of worst days. She was being put on full-time traffic duty until her actions had been reviewed by the Council. The hearing that would decide her fate was to be held in less than three hours.

She was allowed no contact with Artemis Fowl (even though he probably could have helped the LEP in the grand scheme of things) and there were two megalomaniacal, homicidal pixies out for revenge on a lot of people; fairies and humans alike. And she was towards the top of that list. Fortunately for Holly, she knew the identities of those two pixies. Unfortunately for everyone on the list of victims, the pixies were the same fairy. So double the megalomania and double the homicidal fury. Whoopee.

**Two months previously:**

Grub Kelp had been posted on duty at the Atlantic Penitentiary, one of the most highly protected and guarded prison units under the earth, only next to Howler's Peak: the goblin prison. Of course he wasn't there to guard some of the most dangerous convicts underground, he was just there to write a report on how well everyone was doing their job. A task he took with absolutely no apparent sincerity. At the moment, he was having a coffee break, but he rarely touched the actual coffee, preferring instead to devour most of the nut bread that was provided for the officers on duty. Let's just say those other officers wouldn't be getting very much to eat until they went home after their shift.

It was as he was licking the last crumbs of nut bread from his pudgy fingers that he saw her. A somewhat familiar, lovely twisted face peeked from a crate of batteries at the far end of the room. "Pst." The face said. Stunned Grub walked over to it, arm outstretched, unknowingly blocking the security camera's view of the person at the end of the room. "Pst." It said again.

Grub opened his mouth, spewing a few unswallowed crumbs. "You're –

"Oh shut up you manner-less moron." Its voice was as stunning as its face; like a million little bells. The last shreds of will-power evaporated from Grub's mind as he was pulled into the hypnotic depths of the _mesmer_. Though, to be honest, there wasn't of that willpower much to begin with.

His mouth clamped shut, as ordered. "Thank you." The voice continued. "Now, I want you to find out which cell Opal Koboi is in, how many security cameras will be monitoring our passage, and how many guards there will be. Can you remember all that?"

Grub nodded. It was all he could do. "Good. Now tell me everything you know about the security here. Whisper though. We don't want the mean LEP to come in and arrest us, now do we?"

Grub nodded again. The face smiled.

--

Opal Koboi was not in the best of moods. She was cooped up in the luggage rack of an Atlantean storage shuttle on its way to the Atlantic Penitentiary. It had been extremely frustrating to find a way on the shuttle in the first place. She'd had to shield and smuggle herself into one of the storage crates. Not the way she was used to traveling. There were times when she almost regretted her decision in coming to this time. And anyway, weren't they supposed to have some sort of stuffing in those boxes to cushion the things inside? Apparently not.

It took a while, but eventually she found that she was in a crate filled with batteries. But these were nuclear batteries; extra stock for the officers. Which meant that this box would be delivered straight to a minimal security lounge or office. Perfect. Who said there weren't any perks in stowing away? Alright nobody, but that's not the point.

After four hours in the storage crate, she was able to sneak a peek through one of the cracks. From what she could tell she was in the transparent hull of the shuttle. The ocean wrapped around it like a translucent, polluted blanket.

She could see the prison looming in front of the shuttle from the depths of the sea. It was basically a gigantic, pressurized, metal alloy bubble with a tiny landing dock on the side. And that was the only entrance or exit. _They probably can't afford to have any more openings in that facility_, Opal thought. _If there was even the slightest pressure leak, the whole thing would crumple like a tin can_. The pixie smiled with malevolent glee.

When she felt the box drop she knew she was inside. Nobody had even checked the boxes. Pathetic security for the so-called most highly protected prison under the Earth. And just what Opal Koboi had expected.

Now came the tricky part: getting past the security _inside_; and without hiding in a box. In the prison cells halls, there would be guards posted at every door, and four or five to patrol the corridor. All the cameras - provided by that pathetic excuse for a centaur Foaly - would be the latest technology, have shield filters, and would have no blind spots. Unless you had someone stand right in front of them or put a hand over the lens. But nobody would do that…

She lifted the top of the box a centimeter so she could survey her surroundings. She was positioned at the far end of a room, which seemed to have two separate functions. The part closest to the door was possibly a lounge for the officers on duty to have a break. The area in which she was placed, looked like a small office space with an unmanned desk. Or perhaps temporarily unmanned since these batteries were probably meant for the officer normally sitting there to inventory. Up in the corner of the walls opposite her nestled two small cameras. Opal snorted, they weren't even digital. And were fixed in place no less. Security wasn't a big factor in the refreshment lounge.

If she had an LEP helmet she could trace the ion beams created by the cameras, but unfortunately the only helmet anywhere in close vicinity was resting in the arm of a small, pudgy LEP officer stuffing his face with cake right underneath the cameras.

He didn't seem to be particularly bright, she observed as he dropped a piece of bread and bent to pick it up. His helmet fell and rolled underneath the table. He lay on his stomach and strained to reach under the table. Opal almost giggled at the sight of his rather large backside protruding from underneath the refreshments. _No_, she decided, _not bright at all_. And it was then that her plan began to form.

**--**

**NOTE:** I hope this was somewhat believable…I'm having trouble picturing all of the gadgets and forming plans fit for genius' since I am definitely not a genius. :P Well I hope it was at least enjoyable and I am really sorry it took so long for me to update!!!! :( For the same reason stated above it has taken me FOREVER to try to come up with a witty, intelligent, and enjoyable plot line with all the little details and gadgets and I'm STIL not completely there…So hang in there with me!! If you want to at least. Haha I wouldn't be surprised if you were so furious with me for taking so long to update that you never want to look at this fic again!! :P

But none-the-less…REVIEW!! lol :P

-Bells

WARNING: MAY TAKE LONG TIME TO UPDATE. I'm sorry :(


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